Behind the Book: My Gender, My Rules with Andy Passchier

We sat down with Andy Passhchier to ask them all about their process in creating their second author/illustrated book My Gender, My Rules published with Little Bee Books in collaboration with GLAAD.

My Gender, My Rules is your second author-illustrated book. Can you tell us a little about your journey as an author and illustrator, and what it’s been like writing and illustrating this second title?

I didn’t start out in this career with the idea that I wanted to write my own books, and I always considered myself an illustrator first. Little Bee first approached me about working on a book together because of an illustration I posted on social media: various drawings of nonbinary people surrounding the text ‘there’s no one way to be nonbinary’. During a video chat with the editor, they said they loved the joyful and accepting vibes of the piece and would love to see it turned into a larger book. At the time I was also working on Gender Identity For Kids as a longer, more complex chapter book, so we decided My Gender, My Rules would be shorter, more playful, and with a catchy call-back refrain that would hopefully make it fun for kids and adults to read together.

Illustration Little Bee saw me post on Instagram and originally contacted me about

How do you find the author-illustrator process? Tell us a little about how that works for you and which part of the process is your favourite.

Compared to illustrating a book somebody else wrote, some aspects are easier, and some are so much more difficult! When illustrating someone else’s story, a lot of the initial premises for the art are already provided, and you’re mostly giving it your own spin through your illustration style and color palette choices. Creating an entire book from start to finish is a very different process, and personally I find the initial planning phase the most challenging, but also the most rewarding! Finally figuring out exactly what each spread is going to contain, what order the text and illustrations will go in, and what images I’m going to draw brings its own unique sense of satisfaction. It’s like finally being able to solve a puzzle you’ve been working on for ages! For this specific book, the challenge was to figure out which aspects of gender expression would be covered, what order they would appear in, and finally what type of scene would be best suited to illustrate each concept. The final spread went through a few iterations as well: it started off as a celebratory parade scene, but in the end the publisher suggested a quiet, more contemplative scene of a kid alone in their room could work well and I loved that idea.

Why do you think it’s so important to create inclusive and affirming books for young readers right now?

I think children have the right to see themselves and their families reflected in the books they read, as well as to experience an accurate representation of the world they live in. Current propaganda and book banning efforts would have us believe that certain ways to exist are more correct than others, and that it’s in some way wrong, inappropriate, or even harmful for children to learn about all the different ways people can experience their own identity or relate to each other, especially when it comes to the LGBTQIA+ community. Representation of diverse communities in a positive light reassures kids that are part of them that their experiences are valid, and that they are deserving of respect, support, and encouragement. Seeing yourself or your family represented in the media you consume genuinely makes so much difference to your confidence and sense of self. Additionally, kids outside of these communities are taught that not everyone experiences the world in the same way, and to approach others with empathy, curiosity, and understanding rather than judgment.

The message “you make the rules” is so empowering. What do you hope children feel or take away when they finish reading this book?

From a very young age, kids get a lot of messages about gender roles and what society expects in terms of the words ‘boy’ and ‘girl’. We get told we’re supposed to only like certain colors, participate in certain activities, behave or dress a certain way because of our genders assigned at birth. I’d love for kids to read this book and feel like no matter how they feel or what they enjoy, there is no inherently right or wrong way to exist in the world, and that they feel empowered to make their own choices regardless of what others say. This sentiment will also very much apply to the next book in the series entitled My Body, My Rules, which is all about bodily autonomy and consent. The two concepts very much go hand in hand, and not only do I hope children will come away feeling confident and independent in their sense of self, I also hope it will encourage kids to always approach others with curiosity, compassion, and respect.

What advice would you give to parents, educators, or caregivers who want to start conversations about gender and identity with children?

Don’t worry about getting everything right. I think a lot of people avoid exploring these topics with kids out of fear of saying the wrong thing or of not having all the answers ready. Take this as an opportunity to educate yourself as well and embark on the journey with your kids together. They might surprise you and teach you some valuable lessons! This approach also gives kids the opportunity to see that as adults we are not all-knowing, and that it’s okay and even encouraged to ask questions, apologize if you make a mistake, admit that you don’t know everything about a certain topic, but that you can look for information and learn together.

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My Gender, My Rules is available in the US here.

To work with Andy, get in touch with their agent Alex Gehringer here.